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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Mit der Dummheit k舂pfen G?ter selbst vergebens
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
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A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
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It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
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Three o\'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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